Weekend blues

Frustrating! No walk to the library today. Oh, it's all very well for P to say "what's the big deal?" and all that but you know, it's the thing I keep waiting for the whole week - a walk to the library, alone. May not sound much to anybody but it does to me, I tell you! It's a 35 mins walk to the library and as much back and I walk almost as if I'm running but I'm really happy for those 70 mins. I feel I'm free and feel like singing as I walk. Just thinking of it makes me so....Forget it, now I'm left with this comp to kill my free time and a boiling heart.

V went trekking this weekend. Lucky girl, she's enjoying life fully. I'm happy for her but I feel a pang when I think of the times I was that way - trekking, travelling and having fun my way. I'm like a caged bird now. May be it's un-motherly to say such things and it's no fault of R's but that's how I feel. Hope things will change. I hate to be this way - confused, frustrated, complaning, feeling sorry for myself, I hate it!