Numb....

That's what I feel still, even after two weeks of hearing it. Oh, she looked so fine when I saw her last! Who would expect suicide from a person who talked so enthusiastically about settling down in Bangalore, a new job and things? It's the third death in my family and the worst as far as I'm concerned because I still can't believe it. Why did she have to do it? They say somebody tortured her mentally when she was in Australia and she underwent therapy etc but still couldn't come out of it. But how could she let herself into such a state? Somebody could've done something, somebody should've done something! Her husband, father, sisters, anybody! It's like a riddle and I don't think I can ever solve it. I wish I could just get into her mind at that point and know exactly what went wrong!
Thinking of my cousin, the first thing I remember is what my mother said when I was in class 2 (she was in 8th then) ,that she could solve 10th std Maths problems with ease. Mother sounded so proud of her and she was my rolemodel as I grew up.Our families met twice a year in our grandparents' place. She and her two elder sisters were very close to each other. They had devised a way of talking - Ramesh would be called Meshra and Hanuman would be Numanha and so on... And they used to talk this way so fast that I could hardly make anything out of it. I remember many nights in summer, lying on the terrace looking at the starlit sky and begging them to tell me a story. It used be a movie story most of the times with all the romantic elements cut ( I knew by the way they used to giggle). And I would doze off listening to it aided by the cool breeze ....Lovely days! Oh, why did she have to die? These are the times I feel God is not there but desperately hope and pray that he's there somewhere....

It looks so beautiful all around in Rosslyn! It's a pity that we have to leave now when we could've enjoyed our stay here...