Back to Square One....

Thought of writing something today but I don't feel much like it now. After being scrutinized for more than a week by all around me, I still keep thinking that I'm being watched all the time. It's nice to feel like a nobody again on the busy Airport Road. Of course, once in a while someone comes along and takes me back in time and into some odd thoughts. I know I'm being silly and laugh at myself but it's a nice feeling.

If you go to Airport Road on a weekend, you'll immediately be struck with the change - it looks so relaxing and nice compared to the usual bustle that you can feel that even the buildings are on a holiday or something.

I was reading Elliot's The Mill on the Floss and it made me very sad in the end. I mean, there is nothing wrong with Maggie and I could feel exactly how she felt. I hate these Victorian novels some times - they are so much for virtues and conventions and all that....I'll always have my share of selfishness, envy and ....

Gandhi, My Son...

Yesterday was the kid's annual day event and I enjoyed it much better than expected. First of all we were told only the day before of its existence, probably because the kid was not in any dance so didn't need any preparation and I'm not very confident about the kid's social skills. I mean, I was sure that he would cry on the stage and though I don't mind that myself, I was thinking it would be pretty painful if he got reprimanded badly for that. Two rehearsals in the morning, both with most of the children howling and confused, did not help much. I was prepared to knock every door around for Gandhi's stick and we finally found it in a clothes shop. But, finally, it all went very well - there were about 300 in the audience and when the kid came out bending his back and sounding his stick, we laughed with relief. I enjoyed the other events too.

We've been visiting Cubbon Park almost every weekend now thanks to the kid. The routine is quite simple - he saves some of his favourite eatables for the weekend and on Saturday we go and first sit on one of the stone benches in the middle of trees. He'll finish the eatables, collect some sticks or flowers for some time and then we head towards the children's section. Another hour of sliders,see-saws and swings etc and we are back home. I have fallen in love with the park too, I think it's nice to have a place where you can quietly sit and feel peaceful. There are a variety of trees there and I was seeing some of them for the first time. There is also a library at the other end of the park and V says it has a huge number of books.

Childish Acts....

We Indians always tend to exaggerate things - especially when it comes to public figures. I agree with the explanation that we hardly have any successful figures compared to our population but we celebrate them more than their worth. The people in question think they are flawless and I stop admiring them. Am I prejudiced? I don't know, but my list of such people is only growing - M S Dhoni, Harbhajan Singh(he's being made a hero for behaving badly!!!), SRK and the latest, Darsheel of Tare Zameen Par. Darsheel acted well for a starter but in no way deserved the best actor award that he claimed. He overacted at times in the movie and that I can pardon but not his real life overacting. Our own Master Manjunath I think was much better an actor with a lot of subtle expressions for a child. I hate children who act over smart and today they seem to be everywhere.

Actually all this makes me admire our low profile heroes all the more - Kumble, Shrinath, Dravid....they are so dignified and elegant! But melodrama rules this place!!

Occupied....

I know it's been quite long since I've visited this place but somehow don't feel like writing these days. Of course I've been very busy, trying to manage both home and workplace as they say. I think I'm not doing great in either place - when I start for office, I keep thinking when I should start back and when I do in the night, I keep feeling worried that I have not been able to finish so many things. But in spite of that, I know I want to work, I want to know so much more about banking. I want to be the master of my module, to see that day when I can confidently volunteer to take any topic in our internal trainings, to stop being nervous when I talk in those trainings....uh!!
I will, I will!! I should thank my boss also, for making me a part of most of the enhancements that are coming our way, either totally or in discussions.

Kid is all set for the summer holidays. There is a summer camp in his school itself but mother is asking me to send him there. He may trouble her there I guess, thinking of me. I remember I used to be a pest when I used to go to Nagare without my mother, my restlessness growing as the evening approached.

Talking of summer camps, every parent that I know is eager to pack off their children to one. I think the approaching summer is seen more as a headache than anything else by most of us working parents.

Where are all the Russian books(translated) gone that I used to wait for in my childhood? Every year in some season, they used to come selling those books to our schools and Pappa never missed buying them. I asked him recently about it and he said after the demise of Soviet Union, even those books are gone. I miss them and wish I had saved some of mine. If I go and hunt in the attic back home, I may find some I hope....

The Years Gone By....

Yet another new year...this time all of us in Bangalore. Pappa's Schoolday is coming and I remember this time in 2006 when I wished him happy new year only to hear 4 days later that he had had a stroke. Pappa has changed since then, first for the worse, becoming very depressed, absentminded and resentful of the changes forced on him. He's improved now, slowly getting back to his days of activity and looking much better.

All of a sudden in the last 15 days got to talk to 3 of my oldest friends, SM, SA and SD in that order. I gave a surprise call to SM on her birthday and she had told me about having talked to SA after a long long time, how her voice sounded like a big lady and all that. I didn't know whether I should take SA's number because I had really lost touch with her since 10th standard. But then the next week, there she was on the phone talking incessantly about her life, my marriage and everything sounding like my aunt and it felt really good to be connected again. Then I called up SD and I hope I keep them within reach always....

We along with AS were a gang of 5 in school, the common factor being our ability to sing decently(I strongly suspect another common theme also). SM's house nearby was the favourite haunt, being much bigger than mine which was not far either. I have spent innumerable evenings there and gone home dreading mother's reprimands. Out of the 5, SM and SA were close, their mothers having been schoolfriends, I was always trying to be close to SM and SD was trying to be close to me. I have never been very close to AS much, not because of any particular reason, though I used to envy her on account of 'Iceberg' at one time. SM that time was quite orthodox and SD had confessed in me once that she treated her quite badly some times on account of being a Christian. All that is changed now, they are the best of friends amongst us.

SD and I used to visit each other's house quite regularly those days, in spite of our grumbling landlord. I have fond memories of the overnight stays in her house where I had my first brush with a foam bed and the fridge. The fridge especially was a marvel to me and I vividly remember how I used to wake up in the night every time it stopped droning. I was a little annoyed when her father asked me why my father hadn't bought any scooter and why we were living in a rented house....

There were riots in my hometown last week after Hindus saw some Muslims slaughtering a cow. I think we are being unfair this time - we can't stop someone from eating his food! Anyway, by the time things cool down, the cow would be forgotten and all that people remember is whose shop was burnt by who and who hit who. The story will continue next time. I think we just don't want to live a peaceful life.

No Kidding....

I never thought it would be this painful starting the kid off to a regular school, though I was not an
easy starter myself. Yesterday lasted only for 45 mins and out of that I was sitting right next to him for half an hour. Today they've asked me to leave and return after an hour. It was quite a tough task hearing him tell the teacher, "I'll come tomorrow...", "Call my mother..." through his sobs. I can only imagine tougher times ahead. Actually the lady-in-charge told me that I'm late starting him off at 3 years. It seems even at 2, kids understand and avoid diversions. I agree but I don't think it's a good idea to pack them off even to a play-school at so early an age. Whatever said and done, there is no freedom to do what you want and children should be allowed to be pranksters, at least once in a while. But the way our expectations are, I'm sure they'll come up with some sort of 'Abhimanyu' therapy for pregnant women wherein they'll start training the baby right in the womb.

We the People....

How intolerant we have become! We find faults in people so easily and are very hard to please. We hardly praise someone without a rider attached about some weak spot. The classic example is Gary Kirsten who's been 'favoured' to be our next coach. Hardly has his name been mentioned and our news channels have bared a 'derogatory' piece from his diary whilst touring India 10 years ago. It seems he's written about the lack of western luxury in this country or something like that which is very much true. I mean, we've got worse problems than that - we have dirty, narrow 'highways', we have people who spit on the road every 5 mins, we have autodrivers who can take even a native for a ride if allowed and we have people who can rape and kill anyone and everyone - and we ourselves curse all this and that's fine. But of course, Kirsten should've foreseen his future and praised our great 'culture' , potential and what else even in his dreams. Nonsense! But I wonder how he allowed his diary to be roaming all over the place!

I got reprimanded by my boss yet again for being lenient towards my 'boys'. I wonder how I can improve myself in this matter because there are various cases in front of me - one incapable, another laden with domestic problems, one more intelligent but lazy and yet another, a fresher. Tomorrow I'm supposed to be giving a hard speech.

Ever since my uncle has been admitted to hospital, I haven't spoken to my grandmother and I think I will be able to only when he at least starts walking. It sounds strange to me that in these difficult times I do not want to comfort her but I've spoken often with my uncle himself. But somehow I feel sorrier for my grandmother, I don't know why. I love her a lot!

The kid's school interview is on Monday....